"My Crazy,Tragic,Beautiful Life"

Moved

Chaotic_Dreamer — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 16:51:04 +0000

I have moved my blog to a placde I like a lot better here is the link to the new place
*My Crazy, Tragic, Magic, Awful, Beautiful Life*

I hope anyone who was reading this blog follows me over there too.

Posted in Chaos in life

A New Year, Will It Be Full Of The Same Crap?

Chaotic_Dreamer — Sat, 26 Dec 2009 05:57:44 +0000

I hope not, I’m not sure if I can handle another year like this one. Let’s recap the past year…..

Went Bankrupt
Barack Obama(sorry if this offends but he’s not my cup of tea)
Dealt with more family crap(caught between family members fighting, drama over my abuse, and the weekly Momma Drama)
Lost loved ones

But, my main issue this year has been stress and depression, I cried and slept a lot, neglected my housework and bit my husbands head off for no reason at all. so I am truly hoping that 2010 will be so much better. I know one way it will be better is the depression because with the help of my wonderful husband I have started dealing with some of the issues that brought on the depression.

I don’t think the family drama will ever end but I have learned not to let their issues become my issues and to learn to say no when they want to drag me into it.

I know this time of year many people make a list of New Year resolutions but I don’t see the point because nobody ever keeps them so instead of a list of resolutions I am going to make a list of New Year wishes that I hope come true over the next year, so here goes.

New Year Wishes

1. My first wish is to be depression free.
2. My second wish is that my family continue to be healthy throughout the year
3. My third wish is to be able to do be able to walk my chosen spiritual path without ridicule.
4. My forth and final wish for for all my friends both off and on line to have a wonderful year.

Let’s wave good bye and good riddance to 2009, and raise our glasses to 2010 may it be a year filled with happiness and good heath.

Blessed Be.

Posted in Chaos in life

Money’s Tight, Times Are Hard……

Chaotic_Dreamer — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 01:09:08 +0000

I’m tired of mailing Christmas cards. Every year I put of sending out my Christmas/Yule cards because I can’t just by one or two packs of generic cards, I have to have a certain number of religious/Christian cards for those members of mine and my husbands family who gripe if their card is not religious, then I have to make sure to have cards for our few friends who are of other faiths to make sure they aren’t offened, then I make a special cards for my Pagan/Wiccan friends who celebrate Yule. so every year I end up with 3 to 4 boxes of cards(my mother in law insist on my husband sending cards to about 25-30 relitives every year, not that she is the one writing them) plus 10-15 individual(handmade) cards. Then I have to sit down and write what ever in them address them and stamp and mail them, and sadly we only receive a handful in return and I am tired of it sooo….

LISTEN UP WORLD, I have had it and I am only doing card for our close family and friends I refuse to do this anymore my massive card writing sessions are over, so if you don’t get a card from us this year sorry we love you but I am spending the day outside getting closer with nature and not at my desk for hours writing out cards.

Have a wonderful Holiday Season.

Blessed Be

Posted in Chaos in life, Rant's & Raves

How To Move On?

Chaotic_Dreamer — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 05:49:08 +0000

It’s always hard for those who have suffered abuse to move on and get past it, I am no acceptation to this and it’s something that I struggle with it on a daily basis. Over the years the way I have dealt with it most it through food and I have the waistline to prove it, so I have decided that starting with the new year I am going to try a new approach to how I deal with my emotions.

This is the plan I have worked out so far……

Every time I feel like emotional eating I will
1. Blog
2. Go for a walk
3. Play with my kids
4. Write

OK not necessarily in that order and I hope to lose 50lbs by this time next year and I hope by blogging about my pain I will be able to start working through it and one day be able to move on. I am Going to start this on Jan. 1, 2010 so get ready for lots of laughter & tears as I blog my way to a healthier me.

Posted in Chaos in life

To ‘Let Go’

Chaotic_Dreamer — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 05:59:08 +0000

To ‘let go’ does not mean to stop caring;
it means I can’t do it for someone else.

To ‘let go’ is not to cut myself off;
it is the realisation that
I must not control another.

To ‘let go’ is not to fix;
but to be supportive.

To ‘let go’ is not to be in the middle
arranging all the outcomes;
but to allow others to effect their destinies.
To ‘let go’ is not to be protective;
it is to permit another to face reality.
To ‘let go’ is not to regret the past;
but to grow and live for the future.

To ‘let go’ is to fear less and love more.

Author Unknown

Posted in Chaos in life

Walking A New Path

Chaotic_Dreamer — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 06:58:11 +0000

I have been exploring the spiritual side of my life for a few years now, seeking out many different religions and cultures, I’m still not 100% sure what my path is or where I belong but I am 100% sure where I don’t belong and that is in the mainstream Christian religion. I am leaning towards a spiritual path that is strongly Pagan/Wiccan. It just feels right and fits with who and where I am in Life. My mom likes to say I have God issues, but I don’t have issues with The God or Goddess, I firmly believe in both of them and I am quite happy walking this new path I am on. I wish my family could except my choices and show a little support, instead I get bombarded with emails about God and going to church and praying etc. If not for the support from my husband and cousin I might just give up on finding my spiritual side, but luckily I have them and they let me be me no matter what me that is.

I have a question for you though, what path if any do you walk down and if it is not mainstream Christianity does your family and friends except your choice?

Posted in Spiritual Chaos

Today’s Quote

Chaotic_Dreamer — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 03:54:19 +0000

I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman. ~Anaïs Nin

Posted in Quotable Quotes

Quote Of The Day

Chaotic_Dreamer — Sat, 05 Dec 2009 00:39:20 +0000

Pleasure and pain alternate. Happiness is beyond both.

Deepak Chopra

Posted in Quotable Quotes

My Scars

Chaotic_Dreamer — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 14:34:06 +0000

My scars don’t show, but they are real.
No one can know just how I feel.

Scars on my heart and scars in my mind,
Oh how I wish I could leave them behind.

Why did he hurt me? Why weren’t you there?
Why didn’t you stop him, Why didn’t you care.

Day after day, night after night,
I lived in fear and full of fright.

I told you he hurt me, I told you my fears.
Yet you’re still with him after all these years.

I sit and cry over this cross I bare, I sit and wonder
Why did he hurt me and Why don’t you care?

My scars are many, the pain is real.
I pray you never know how it feels.

By: ALE

Posted in My Poetry Tagged: Child abuse, life, Pain, poetry

A Poem For My Daddy

Chaotic_Dreamer — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 17:41:23 +0000

I wrote this shortly after losing my dad, to sudden illness called A.R.D.S or Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome. After battling ards for almost a month they told us he had no activity in his brain, so my brother, step mom and I had to make what to me was one of the hardest decisions of my life to date, and that was to let him go.

This poem tells what I went through during and since that day.

I stood there crying holding your hand
This didn’t go the way I planned

I begged and I pleaded and ask you to stay
as you slowly, quietly slipped away.

I stood there sobbing longing to hear,
“Hey Darlin, How are you? I’m glad your here”

I’ll never hear those words again,
Or see your silly little grin.

Some days I’m angry, some days I cry
Some days I sit and wonder why.

You’d want me Happy, not crying or sad
I’m sorry, I can’t help it I miss you Dad.

Dedicated to my Father, a good man taken way to soon.

By: A.L.E. 9/15/07

Posted in My Poetry Tagged: Death, Fathers, poems, poetry